Sitting in a closet in the basement.

Alas, I am, in fact, sitting in a closet, in the basement of the College of Education. Its a tiny nook, with a computer, and a chair. Its quiet, peaceful, a little cold, and very awkward (did I mention the door to this closet/room is made of very clean and clear glass so everyone can see me?) Ahh, just how I like it.

Today, I turned in my final time card. I am done working for the College of Education, arguably the best job I have ever had. And now, its totally over. Things are starting to finalize, to solidify, to actualize into the present. And I, like anyone, really, am growing more frightened by the reality of my situation, and the looming monster of my future (albeit a friendly but intimidating monster, more B.F.G. than Frankenstein). Well, here I am, hiding in a closet, in a basement, in a far-off corner of Champaign. It may seem that I am hiding from a tornado, but in fact, I am hiding from change.

I talked on the phone a few days ago with a friend, Kailey, who is also leaving. She, actually, is leaving in less than two weeks, so her situation, far more imminent, is also far more frightening. As we laughed about our future lives, we discussed our shared experience. The fear and the excitement, the moments of awe and shock, the moments of exhilaration and humiliation. All of these things, coming, approaching, hurtling towards us at life-speed. When I think about it, this whole thing, well, its really a coming of age story. This is going to be one of those teen comedies where crass remarks are exchanged, some loser (the foreigner) pines for acceptance (into the new culture) and well, hilarity ensues. Its about growing up, and about walking away, realizing that no, I am not defined by my experiences here, but it will always be part of my life story. Really, its like college, not college in real life, but college before you go to college. You double and triple check your preparedness, you take counsel with those who have gone before you, you take recommendations from those who think they know better, and you talk A LOT about it. You think a lot about it. You worry a lot about it. You try to prepare yourself A LOT for it. But, when it comes down to it, its nothing like you expect. Its a journey that is simultaneously harder and easier than you hope. But you do it.


And that's it. I have to leave my little safety zone, I have to come out of the little nook in the basement, and go outside. I have to leave my little comfort zone, and experience what else there is around me. I have to put myself out there. That is precisely what I don't want to do and exactly what I am going to do.